We all want to feel special, don't we? We tell ourselves over and over again: "I'm special! I'm valuable! And gosh-darnit, I'm worth it!"
But, is that REALLY true?
We recently expelled a student from our school after giving him THREE YEARS of second chances. But the school administrator finally realizes that instead of being value to the school, he was DE-valuing the school as students and parents felt that his being here was a huge distraction.
He was very condescending to other students, very disrespectful to authority, and has been suspended several times. The sad part was that his parents saw him as innocent while the rest of the school saw him as a problem.
Sadly, none of the staff protested his expulsion. In fact, I think the general feeling among the staff was "It's about time!"
Now, the school feels like a different environment -- in a positive way.
What about you? Are you adding real value to someone else's life -- or are you DE-valuing that person's life? Do other people see you as a real treasure -- or as something to get rid of? Are there people who feel that they can't function without you -- or that they WOULD function without you? Does your boss feel that the company won't be the same without you -- or does he/she thinks you're replaceable?
You see, when you think about it, people would come after you if they see value in you. There are enough people in the world who bring no value to anybody's life -- and there are MORE THAN ENOUGH people who de-value someone else's life.
But YOU must be different! YOU must be that person that nobody could live without.
The way you bring value to others is to make yourself valuable. Simply living isn't adding value. Changing who you are for the better, continuing to learn new skills, and making others feel good WILL bring value to someone else.
Think about the people in your life who are absolutely valuable. Then ask yourself, "Am I this valuable to someone else?"
And if you are that valuable to someone else, good job! If you feel that you're not, then it's never too late to make a few changes.
One of the most frustrating things about our nation is that we blame other people or other things instead of blaming ourselves. We love to hear "It's not your fault: you were just born to lose. There is nothing you could do about it."
But just for a few moments, pretend as if EVERYTHING is your fault. Even if it's not your fault...it is your fault.
Now, before you get defensive, just hear me out.
If NOTHING is your fault, then that means you have no power. You have no control over anything in your life. Whatever happens would happen by chance.
If EVERYTHING is your fault, then that means you have power to make big changes in your life. This means that there is hope for you and that you don't have to live as if living by chance.
Let's say you get laid off your job. No, that wasn't your fault. BUT...let's say you ask the following questions:
Or in other words: did I just come to work to get a paycheck or did I try to make the company successful? When lay-offs happen, they don't happen to those the company sees as valuable assets. The lay-offs happen to those who just come to work, put in their time, and go home. There are plenty of those who are like that.
So, if you get laid off, it wasn't anything you've done. But then again, if you did MORE, perhaps you would still be at the job.
You see, it's not always about what you've done. You probably didn't do anything wrong. Sometimes, it's about what you DIDN'T do -- that is, you could have done better but decided not to.
When I got laid off my EMS job, I was angry. I blamed the company. I maintained my innocence...and I still do. But what hits me like a sag of bricks is that they laid me off because they saw no value in me!
I just came to work and did my job. I didn't mingle with my employees or try to get to know my bosses better. I barely tried to improve my skills to be a better employee. So, when they laid me off, they didn't really lose much! And to think about it...man...that hurts!
No, it wasn't my fault that I lost my job. But in a way, it is my fault because I didn't do much to make myself more valuable to the agency.
It's easy to point fingers and maintain innocence. It's harder to look at ourselves and admit that we haven't done enough to prevent our situation -- or to make our situation better.
Before we say, "It's not my fault," remember that by repeating those words, you are taking power from your hands. You are stripping yourself from all control.
But, if you're willing to accept responsibility for anything that happens, then you're giving yourself more control over your situation. You're saying that while you can't prevent every bad thing from happening, you CAN do your best to make the situation better.
Why is it that success comes so easily to certain people? Why does it seem that some people could get whatever they want while others don't?
It's because the success they have was designed specifically for their circumstances. They weren't successful because they were lucky, or because they've worked hard. Their success was allowed by their particular circumstances.
Looking back on my life, I've realized that I never had to work hard to get anything. It's almost as if all my successes were simply handed to me. Whether it was going to college, becoming a teacher, looking for a wife, having kids, buying cars, finding the right places to live, I've never had to work hard to get anything.
You would think that maybe I was just a lucky man. No, I wasn't lucky. My circumstances determined the successes I would get. Or in other words, the only success that I could get depended on the circumstances that I was in.
And we are ALL in circumstances that would allow for success. The question is if you're pursuing success that your circumstances would allow.
Take someone born and raised in New York City and someone born and raised in some backwoods, country town of North Carolina. The person in New York would be exposed to opportunities that the country person wouldn't be exposed to.
Or take someone who inherited millions of dollar and someone who is dirt poor. The millionaire would have opportunities that the poor person doesn't.
Or take someone who grew up speaking three languages fluently and the person who could only speak one language. The multilingual person would have opportunities that the "monolingual" person wouldn't have.
However, this doesn't mean that the person who seems to be at a disadvantage is actually at a disadvantage. No, instead, the person who seems disadvantaged needs to pursue opportunities that his or her circumstances would allow.
I was the guy with two college degrees. You would think that I would have no problems finding jobs. Ha! No, I've always had a hard time finding jobs. Yet my wife, who has no college degree but a dental assistant certificate, was the one finding all the jobs.
However, with my certifications, I'm the one who could make more money than her! I just had to realize that finding a job wasn't to my advantage. I actually had to be an entrepreneur!
You see, we all have circumstances that would allow for great success. You just have to find what opportunities your circumstances would allow.
Instead of pursuing success in the wrong places, pursue success in your own backyard. No matter how disadvantaged you think you are, you are exposed to opportunities that others are not.
Instead of trying to get the things that everybody else is getting, get the things that were made specifically for YOUR situation. If you pursue success that's within the boundaries of your circumstances, then it would seem like success comes easily to you. But if you pursue success that's outside of your circumstances, you will spend years working hard to get nothing.
Some of you might disagree with this, but you don't get to choose your circumstances. Your circumstances choose YOU. You could try hard to change your circumstances, but when it comes down to it, you only have little control of your life.
You can't always change your circumstances. But you could ALWAYS change your perception of your circumstances.
Don't try to make the wind blow in your direction. See where the wind is blowing and sail in that direction. You just might find a land of gold!
All information in this blog are for inspirational purposes only. Unless otherwise stated, all content is written and copyrighted by Aiyo A. Jones.